In this latest leap from cartoon to live action, Rachel Zegler and Gal Gadot star as the embodiments of good and evil; one a jolly princess, the other a nefarious stepmother. Gadot’s Queen envies the younger woman’s beauty, so much so that she would slay her late husband’s child. Guided by a powerful mirror, the leader pursues the eponymous heroine into a forest, where Snow White encounters seven dwarves of questionable make-up.

Disney has updated many of their animated features to the big screen, but Snow White is the most pointless fantasy reimagining of which I can think, for more reasons than one. Firstly, the story hardly acquits to 21st century Western values, considering the superficial views on beauty and alarmingly insensitive depiction of dwarfism. Secondly, the 1937 original is a jaw-dropping spectacle of pre-war innocence, so to return to the story with a more cynical take on the world feels misguided, if not plain wrong.

As it stands, much of the modern Snow White feels misjudged, not least casting Gadot as the pantomime villainess. She can barely sing, let alone perform a devious individual, making her casting all the more curious. Worse, Zegler – a genuinely talented artist – is given precious little to do other than smile throughout the 109-minute runtime. Director Marc Webb’s decision to ditch the handsome prince storyline is curious, since he merely replaces the character with a man named Johnathan (Andrew Burnap). As such, nothing is new or gained.

Webb’s efforts to authenticate a fantasy world sits at odds with the popular zeitgeist, especially as more stoic cartoons are currently being aired. 2019’s Away (Gints Zilbalodis) offered a more nuanced take on isolation, influenced in part by the kaleidoscopic colours on display. But Webb cannot venture into such fantasy, because he has decided to set his fairy-tale in a reality that is only marginally more magical than the one the viewer inhabits.

And then there’s the depiction of the dwarves, who look like badly discarded CGI creations. They’re hideously pieced together: miscreants with grotesque make-up poking their absurd faces at the audiences. The decision to ditch the prince and not the diminutive beings is a curious one, suggesting that Disney wish to seem progressive in some quarters and regressive in others. Glaringly, the movie states that the princess was named after a snow storm, a clumsy revisionist facet to account for Zegler’s Colombian complexion. If this is an attempt to seem “woke”, then it is nothing more than a generic platitude.

Some of the dialogue is truly dreadful. “This is his kingdom,” shouts the eponymous heroine. “He taught me to be fearless, fair, brave, and true.” Once again, the original 1937 feature benefitted from a lack of dialogue, going with the cinematic adage of “show, don’t tell”. Webb’s film pollutes the runtime with didactic words, much of it pointless exposition. A voiceover literally informs the viewers, “One winter’s night, a blizzard swept through their land, blotting out the kingdom in a bitter storm of snow and ice but leaving them a most precious gift.” It sounds like it was written in post-production, showing how little confidence the creative team had in the project.

Judging by this effort, it might be time to halt any future live action adaptations and focus on smaller, more thematic driven works. Zegler and Gadot may have their differences when it comes to Palestine, but there’s no doubt that they both can agree that this rendition of Snow White offers them little credit. Neither woman gets the chance to shine as artists or singers, instead posing as Disney characters going through the motions. It would be crude to end this review with a word that rhymes with “white”, but that’s the quality we’re dealing with here.

That word of course is “trite”.

Snow White is out in cinemas on Friday, March 21st.