QUICK AND DIRTY: LIVE FROM TALLINN

Is monogamy overrated, are we just difficult to please, or are we simply unable solve our sexual problems without involving more people?

There is something strangely awkward about the re-birth of conservative ideas supported by right-wing governments in recent years. Every small step taken in the direction of equality and freedom is re-conquered by the keepers of morality and patriarchal values. At the same time, the way we look at sexuality and sensuality has changed enormously over the past couple of decades. We finally speak openly about sex again. Still, unlike in the 1960s when such talks were limited to films, television or public debates and the written word, the 21st century offers new possibilities in social media and internet platforms. In recent years, polyamorous relationships started trending.

Right at the beginning, we are briefly introduced to the two couples whose destinies are intertwined. The Estonian couple Riita and Taavi are browsing through their photo albums remembering the good and the bad times. As they discuss their relationship and what would be the solution for their ongoing arguments, some intimate if not ugly stories get revealed, prompting the question why they are still together. But this is not something asked by them, but by the audience. Their wish to mend what’s broken is less incomprehensible than the path they take in order to reach that goal: visiting a new age “expert“ on relationships who performs a bizarre ritual involving banging a drum. Before long she will tell her clients: “I have heard from other people and friends that old school relationships no longer work. But the new way is not here yet. So how do we do it?“

It is in this odd setting – more or less reminiscent of a pilates studio, minus the expert trainer – that the filmmaker introduces the spouses to “a worldwide practice“ that most of us probably have never heard of before – the signing of contracts by couples who are entering the uncharted world of love, as she calls it. The signed piece of paper should help clear out misunderstandings because all dos and don’ts are clearly defined on it and signed. The question is if such a thing can ever work anywhere other than in theory. Besides, although I am sure that the whole new age thing comes with a certain vocabulary. I am not convinced they should be of an insulting nature. For a worldly woman she would like to be taken for, it is a shocker to hear the coach use the word “cunt“ when describing a woman’s vagina. Other places that Riita and Taavi turn to for help are also on the esoteric side, such as a tantric camp.

Not all partners are keen on polygamy in Kübar’s movie, which was shot on location in Estonia and Germany. Everybody is connected in this story, sometimes unwillingly so. An Estonian man who works as engineer in Munich cannot accept his wife Marianne’s wish to lead an open marriage and he gives her an ultimatum – either him or no one else. “I feel as a breadwinner only“, he says before simply stating that such a union doesn’t make him happy. The wife of Marianne’s lover Kay is also less than enthusiastic. After 30 years of marriage, she can either go with the flow or sink in misery. She – unlike the desperate man in Munich who end up in hospital due to stress – accepts the new reality, and gives it a go. There is a lack of enthusiasm in things she says about that new life of hers, at least tonally. The words can be interpreted one or the other way. Pick your choice.

There is no doubt about Kübar’s honest interest in the topic of polyamorous relationships, but My Partners feels staged from the very beginning to the very ends. The emotions – unlike certain parts of the male anatomy – are invariably stiff. The characters are always aware of the camera, as if they were being told where to look, how to move, and what to say.

My Partners just premiered in the Baltic Competition of the 28th Tallinn Black Nights Film Festival.